dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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