Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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