i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
