Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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