all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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