I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
