Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
