I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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