his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
