Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
