Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
