and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
