This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She told me I should be a condom model.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
