He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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