Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think your dad took our porno
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
