i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
