WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
