Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
