I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
