i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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