i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
