We need to rekindle our bromance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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