I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
