Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
