just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
