its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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