was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
