shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize