Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

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(225): i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels http://tfl.nu/zg26

Replies (58) Good night (994) Bad night (8356)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear

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(978): on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear http://tfl.nu/5oby

Replies (9) Good night (956) Bad night (2782)
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(+46): View more from Sweden

being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad

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(+46): being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad http://tfl.nu/w2cq

Replies (6) Good night (2598) Bad night (1179)
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(240): View more from Maryland

seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am

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(240): seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am http://tfl.nu/z6p6

Replies (7) Good night (2730) Bad night (983)
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(217): View more from Illinois

it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.

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(217): it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex. http://tfl.nu/bdfn

Replies (5) Good night (4879) Bad night (926)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?

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(859): The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you? http://tfl.nu/o13h

Replies (8) Good night (3769) Bad night (918)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.

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(763): I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder. http://tfl.nu/dpkn

Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (1230)
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(623): View more from Arizona

Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too

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(623): Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too http://tfl.nu/3dvb

Replies (20) Good night (1791) Bad night (712)
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(954): View more from Florida

stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us

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(954): stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us http://tfl.nu/1h6z

Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (633)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.

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(208): Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now. http://tfl.nu/bdx8

Replies (7) Good night (1694) Bad night (847)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.

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(515): I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion. http://tfl.nu/z0x4

Replies (2) Good night (891) Bad night (374)
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(313): View more from Michigan

We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to

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(313): We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to http://tfl.nu/22xn

Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (379)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.

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(+44): apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer. http://tfl.nu/j569

Replies (3) Good night (779) Bad night (354)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed

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(614): I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed http://tfl.nu/qw2u

Replies (0) Good night (684) Bad night (402)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.

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(773): I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned. http://tfl.nu/s84t

Replies (1) Good night (718) Bad night (335)

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