So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed