Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

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(403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion. http://tfl.nu/ldji

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(937): View more from Ohio

Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!

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(937): Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon! http://tfl.nu/1aph

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(513): So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it. http://tfl.nu/bqup

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(+65): View more from

He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?

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(+65): He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay? http://tfl.nu/afe2

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

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(724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

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(908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9

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(407): View more from Florida

He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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(407): He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember. http://tfl.nu/ugc6

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?

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(973): Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet? http://tfl.nu/ol6s

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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(504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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(201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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(217): I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack http://tfl.nu/dmpk

Replies (6) Good night (825) Bad night (2211)
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(903): View more from Texas

Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat

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(903): Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat http://tfl.nu/dy7q

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.

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(617): The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library. http://tfl.nu/8dpw

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(479): View more from Arkansas

There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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(479): There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell. http://tfl.nu/h1ye

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(630): View more from Illinois

First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.

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(630): First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out. http://tfl.nu/rcq3

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