I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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