Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.

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  (703): i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice. http://tfl.nu/s321
  Replies (15) Good night (5350) Bad night (580)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Small penises have feelings too.

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  (573): Small penises have feelings too. http://tfl.nu/ikhv
  Replies (68) Good night (778) Bad night (3735)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".

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  (403): I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby". http://tfl.nu/2blo
  Replies (49) Good night (587) Bad night (3350)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.

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  (678): Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards. http://tfl.nu/o7s2
  Replies (39) Good night (937) Bad night (5433)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave

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  (617): he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave http://tfl.nu/ypxh
  Replies (32) Good night (592) Bad night (4967)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes

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  (706): He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes http://tfl.nu/an5y
  Replies (4) Good night (3524) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning

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  (859): I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning http://tfl.nu/1f1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1046) Bad night (1548)
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  (415): View more from California

  Feeling better?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.

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  (415): Feeling better? (720): I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day. http://tfl.nu/80q2
  Replies (4) Good night (1474) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.

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  (804): just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast. http://tfl.nu/1dh4
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day

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  (774): Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day http://tfl.nu/bsus
  Replies (4) Good night (1418) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was once again the drunkest girl at the party

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  (610): he was once again the drunkest girl at the party http://tfl.nu/18ag
  Replies (5) Good night (2044) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"

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  (+61): It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?" http://tfl.nu/jtkv
  Replies (7) Good night (797) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.

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  (509): He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/dvob
  Replies (6) Good night (1187) Bad night (612)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens

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  (512): Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens http://tfl.nu/y87y
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there

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  (301): You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there http://tfl.nu/jnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (540) Bad night (241)

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