Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
