ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she smelled like a LAN party
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
