i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
