I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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