Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
