Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize