found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.