I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
