If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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