She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
