It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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