dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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