He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
