you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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