I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
