I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
