Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
