I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize