I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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