why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
