just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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