I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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