we have officially lost it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
