if you like me you must not know who I am
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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