Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Are my feet made of real feet?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
