The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
