OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
