Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My pussy is not your playground.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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