I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
