3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
