I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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