I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
