I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
