no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
