Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
