mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
