After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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