Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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