k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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